In Your Head
There is something to be said about speaking your mind. Social tact is a difficult thing to gauge properly in a day and age where everyone has their head somewhere else. The digital world is masquerading as some pseudo sensual true reality. It is easy to wear masks online, and to purport yourself as more than you are.
See the thing is the second you engage with someone IRL the facade shatters. Keeping up appearances is something we do when we have no idea who we are. They say (whoever they are) most people find themselves in college or uni life. Most people do not think very critically of themselves, or their identity until crisis arises, and in the first world crisis has a completely different connotation than the rest of the world.
All this to say we should be more emphatic about introspecting on who we have been, who we are, and who we want to be. Personality is not a static factor for us. Though we all have experienced and endured different cultures, trials, and back stories, we have a choice in how we deal with our pain, suffering, and person. With the Lord calling all who are weary and heavy laden, and offering rest in Him, we have no excuse not to have a common bond by His blood, and to share in each others burdens.
May we all take it upon ourselves to love each other at all costs, especially those of the faith. He said they would know us by our love for each other, but how can we love each other if we do not even know each other? A prefabricated postulation of your person does not count as engagement with other people. Lord willing we will weep, rejoice, and pray for each other as we know we should.
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Patience & Silence
There is so much to be said about leaving things in God’s hands. Our hopes, dreams, and hearts greatest desires are all known by Him. Why should we fight so hard to hold on to the intangible? Why would we not leave such precious things in hands much bigger than ours? Worry does nothing but confound a life led by the Spirit.
Redemption
It is a very difficult thing to receive help, even more so to admit how powerless you are. However, the more I own up to my own shortcomings the more I tend to find I am covered by grace. The same could be said of each and every one of us should we take the time to humble ourselves. What a wild and otherworldly thing.
“So submit to God. But resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and make your hearts pure, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn, and weep. Turn your laughter into mourning and your joy into despair. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you.”
—James 4:7-10 NET
The implication in this passage of scripture, and many others is quite clear. Submit to God and He will gladly rescue, redeem, and restore you. Although the christian walk is a lifelong process we can be sure to see glimpses of the Kingdom in our every day, and in our character as it is molded all the more into His. Thanks be to God for Christ and His sacrifice—for the Lord’s Spirit, and His wonderful plan of redemption.
Over Thinking
“I was thinking, over thinking.”
Writing without thinking is a curse. James said I should hold my tongue. The heart is deceitful, but are failures the worst?
Words with no thought still come across with intent
My mouth can start fires words cannot quench
My eyes fail to see when You are not in my sight. If you want spiritual growth then you must wage a spiritual fight. My only consolation: today never happened before. My deepest conviction: I need to be silent more than I need to say words.
Three Days
There will always be opportunities for misunderstanding. It is quite easy to reason from a set of axiomatic premises. We are not obligated to rest in absolute truth above all else. Being multi paradigmatic goes against our innate sense of self preservation. The need to project the past into the present plays right into our sense of fight, or flight.
One of the most difficult things we can do in life is allow the Spirit to chasten us, and to grow in Him.
“Yes, think about him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you won’t grow tired or become despondent. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in the contest against sin. Also you have forgotten the counsel which speaks with you as sons: “My son, don’t despise the discipline of Adonai or become despondent when he corrects you. For Adonai disciplines those he loves and whips everyone he accepts as a son.” Regard your endurance as discipline; God is dealing with you as sons. For what son goes undisciplined by his father? All legitimate sons undergo discipline; so if you don’t, you’re a mamzer and not a son! Furthermore, we had physical fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them; how much more should we submit to our spiritual Father and live! For they disciplined us only for a short time and only as best they could; but he disciplines us in a way that provides genuine benefit to us and enables us to share in his holiness. Now, all discipline, while it is happening, does indeed seem painful, not enjoyable; but for those who have been trained by it, it later produces its peaceful fruit, which is righteousness.”
Messianic Jews (Heb) 12:3-11 CJB
(mamzer meaning illegitimate to put it politely)
Leaning into pain is not a natural thing for us to do. Typically we want to avoid pain, and seek comfort. Yet rest in anything or anyone other than Christ is idolatry, and resting in Christ is very much an active thing we must struggle to do in this body we are in. This is a broken world we are in, and though we may have the Spirit in our hearts as a promise of what is to come—namely, a new heaven, new earth, new bodies, and to be set free, we have not yet attained it in this life.
“The creation waits eagerly for the sons of God to be revealed; for the creation was made subject to frustration — not willingly, but because of the one who subjected it. But it was given a reliable hope that it too would be set free from its bondage to decay and would enjoy the freedom accompanying the glory that God’s children will have. We know that until now, the whole creation has been groaning as with the pains of childbirth; and not only it, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we continue waiting eagerly to be made sons — that is, to have our whole bodies redeemed and set free. It was in this hope that we were saved. But if we see what we hope for, it isn’t hope — after all, who hopes for what he already sees? But if we continue hoping for something we don’t see, then we still wait eagerly for it, with perseverance. Similarly, the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we don’t know how to pray the way we should. But the Spirit himself pleads on our behalf with groanings too deep for words; and the one who searches hearts knows exactly what the Spirit is thinking, because his pleadings for God’s people accord with God’s will.”
Romans (Rom) 8:19-27 CJB
I have wept in prayer for three days in a row now.
Never in my life have I had understanding, or such a peace regarding what I am enduring as it is occurring as I do now. My heart is resting in the Lord, and what He is doing. The trust in His will, and His protecting those I love is more tangible than it has ever been for me in my life. My father, and my closest brothers in Christ (of which my father is included) have admonished, and affirmed me of the growth in the Spirit they see happening in me. God willing I will be as much of a good and faithful servant as I desire to be.
As I sang in the first full song I wrote years ago:
“To hear “Well done…” is more than I deserve. All the same, it’s all I hope for.”
—Gain, Glow In The Dark Demos
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Two Hours
I prayed through sobs for a couple hours. This is normal, this is fine, and it is expected. My world broke when you told me your perspective. Ciaran Lavery was right when he said “hearts are like two passing trains”, and the rest of that chorus hits more than it ever has for me—it’s true. Jason Isbells question seems rhetorical,”What’s the difference in a breakdown and a breakthrough?”
“Trust in Adonai with all your heart; do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him; then he will level your paths.”
Mishlei (Pro) 3:5-6 CJB
Love carries you in all things, and perfect love casts out all fear. I am not scared of vulnerability. I may be afraid, but I will move forward with my heart resting in the Spirit, and—Lord willing, walking in His steps. I take very much heart in these words, more than I ever have before today:
“There is no fear in love. On the contrary, love that has achieved its goal gets rid of fear, because fear has to do with punishment; the person who keeps fearing has not been brought to maturity in regard to love.”
1 Yochanan (1 Jo) 4:18 CJB
In Love
Being in love is a deliberate choice we make rather than a feeling we embrace. Let me explain: God is love. If we are in Christ, then we are in love. It follows that walking in the Spirit would also be walking in love. Love is not some trite or whimsical temporal state of being but who God is, and His being whose image we are created in likeness of.
Earnestly loving someone is difficult. To say you love someone, and showing love to them are not mutually exclusive, but one definitely has a spine to it. Vulnerability, time, and effort all play a role in expressing love. However, being in love is not something we are called to show, but to embody. If we do not strive to grow and walk in the Spirit than we are not truly in love at all.