I Never Knew You
Should we fault ourselves for being vulnerable, or asking rhetorical questions? If one’s words lose their meaning then what is the point in asking for more of them? When your surroundings feel incorporeal how do you find a sense of place? Why is it we tend to look back when all we want is someone beside, or right in front of us? Go to bed.
Stay
I cried clutching a cup of black coffee in my kitchen alone this morning; Happy Birthday. When it feels as though all you are is nothing anyone wants remember there is One who wants you more than anyone ever will and He died and defeated death to show you. There are people in the Body around you who will love you and remind you there is more to life than wanting to die NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT MAKES SENSE TO YOU TO WANT TO, or feeling alone. Years of sin overwhelming sense of failure and unease can be overcome through prayer genuine community, and resting in who Christ is.
Life is worth living.
Hold on, we’ll get better as we go along, and we’ll stay strong resting in the shadow of Kingdom come.
In Your Heart
What you carry with you can be of significant consequence. To an extent we choose these things. We grasp tightly to what if’s and why not’s, and fail to be genuinely present. Through all the years some of the heaviest temporal wisdom I have garnered is in introspecting in time with your emotions. Allowing yourself to feel, and not holding yourself to an inhuman ideal.
The past handful of months have been taxing. My spirit has been bombarded by everything from suicide to heartbreak. Despite the pain I have also been blessed with many opportunities. Living gratefully—or thankfully, is not just for the month of November, or a single day. Praise the Lord in the figurative valleys as well as the peaks of mountains, for it is in the valleys where you typically find the water runs.
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Don’t Look Back
For as long as I can remember I have been praying I may love at all costs, and I have discovered more to finding joy in suffering than I could have imagined—and I know it is still so very little. “Break me down and build me up.”
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Impetuous
I tend to be reckless with myself. The amount of survivors guilt I have regarding my previous disposition, and general lack of consideration for the value of my own life still sort of gets to me. I know I will always be dying to myself in my striving after Christ, and I can never die enough. What is hard is living, and doing it well.
Carry It Anyhow
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Hurt Feelings
The only real relationships are redemptive relationships. Let me flesh that out. We are called to be like Christ, and Christ was not treated very well even by his own disciples. He showed forgiveness mercy long-suffering, and kindness—all of the qualities of God perfectly, and was mistreated regularly I daresay. I wonder how many times people’s words fell short of the Word Himself, and it was quite often I imagine.
Being like Christ means enduring other peoples mistreatment; Doing so consciously and willingly is the goal. Our capacity for suffering is very human, but Yeshua showed us we can endure much in Love, in Him. Broken trust is difficult to manage, and so is shame. Asking for forgiveness involves repentance—not a continuation of how things were. If we claim Christ we must strive to have relationships with others which have forgiveness mercy long-suffering, and kindness, because redemptive relationships are the only real relationships to have.